Pieman Returns
by Slimey one
Summary: A new threat comes to Springfield. Can Pieman stop him and save his family?
1. Epilogue

We all remember the story of the Pieman. He fought for the little guy, and fought against the jerks of Springfield. But, for some reason no one ever understood, he vanished. But, he knew he would be needed some day, and he would be prepared when that day came. How do I know this? He's my dad.

I am Bart Simpson. In my younger days, I also paraded as the Cupcake Kid. But, that was a long time ago. I'm in college now, dating Gina, the girl I met in juvenile hall. But, that doesn't change the fact who I was or who I am.

When Pieman hung up his tin and cape, my dad prepared for the worst to happen. He realized he needed someone smart, and that he could NEVER tell Lisa he might become Pieman again. So, he just had someone remove the crayon from his brain again, and then had Moe stick it back in when he was done.

Homer designed a new Pie cave, along with a few new little toys he could use if he ever got in trouble. But, he never actually got to use them. He trained me to fight crime, and how to conceal my identity from the world. While Pieman may have been out of action, the Cupcake Kid made a fewvisits to the school yard and had a few more long chats with Nelson and the other bullies of Springfield.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself. My father may have been Pieman, but this is my story.


	2. In need of a hero

Homer, Mom, and Maggie had just been sitting at home, minding their own business, when it happened. There was a loud knock on the door. "Marge, can you get that?" Homer asked, taking a sip of his beer and changing the channel.

When Mom answered the door, a pair of hired goons greeted her. Before she could say anything, they grabbed her and threw her into the back of a truck, where a third goon tied her up.

"Marge, who is it?" Homer asked, "Can you get me another beer?" After a few minutes, Dad gave up and got up to get it himself.

"This is the way I get my beer, get my beer, get my beer," he sang, "This is the way I get my beer, at seven o'clock in the morning." As her turned from the fridge, one of the goons came up and smashed him over the head with a baseball bat. It snapped over his head. "Ow! That really hurt," Homer said, rubbing his head, "If you want a beer, just get one, you don't have to steal mine." What can I say? He's got a crayon in his brain.

The goon shook his head and grabbed Homer. He gagged him and threw him in the back of the truck. Maggie came downstairs just in time to see the truck drive away.


	3. the Tin of Pieman

An hour later, I was at the house, listening to Maggie tell police Chief Wiggum what had happened. "Wow," the chief said, "I don't know where to start on this one. This is gonna be harder than figuring out who shot Mr. Burns." There was an awkward silence where Maggie just stared at Wiggum. "Oh, right," he said, his awkward laugh echoing through the house. He got up and left.

"What are you gonna do Bart?" Gina asked. I said nothing, but I knew that there was only one thing I could do. I went down into the basement.

When I got down there, I opened up the fridge and reached into the vegetable crisper (The one place in the fridge Dad wouldn't use unless it was an emergency) and pushed a little red button underneath the carrots.

"Password, please," an electronic voice said to me.

_I hate this part,_ I thought. Homer picked the most annoying password in history. "Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner, That's what I really want to be."

"Access granted," The voice said. A hole opened up in the floor and I was sent flying down the long tube into the Pie Cave.

When I got down to the bottom, I fell on my butt. _Gotta put a mattress under there for next time,_ I thought, rubbing my sore behind. But, there was no time to lose now. I pulled on Dad's Old costume and added the new Utility Belt. Then, I hopped into the Piemobile and drove off into Springfield through the secret exit under Flanders' house. Pieman had returned.


	4. Surprise, Surprise

I traced the trucks path to Mr. Burns's house. _Surprise, Mr. Burns is evil,_ I thought. I got out of the Piemobile, with a pie in hand, and hopped the fence.

Before my feet even touched the ground, the hounds were already in position. I only had a moment to act, so I reached into my utility belt and threw a donut into the front of the pack. It exploded on impact, covering all of the hounds with a sticky glaze. They couldn't move.

My next problem came when Fat Tony and the rest of the mophia came out to see what the commotion was about. _Boy,_ I thought,_ Mr. Burns didn't spare any expense this time._ They drew their guns and fired, but I reached my wrist just in time. I pushed a button on my watch, and it opened up into a very big, durable Pieshield. The bullets bounced harmlessly of, and I threw another donut in front of them. This time, it exploded into a cloud of powder, and I passed right by into the house.

When I finally got into the house, I slipped down into the basement, where I found one last surprise. Two men were tied up. One of them was Smithers, and the other was Mr. Burns!


	5. Crime, Grime, and Keylime

After I untied them, Smithers told me that someone had broken into the mansion and tied them up, and then had the goons go and pick someone up. I told them to stay put, while I dealt with the real problem.

Meanwhile, Dad had some problems of his own. On the roof of the house, a masked man had tied him and Mom up and was preparing a set of jumper cables for Dad.

"Why are you doing this? Are you crazy?" Homer asked.

"You're the one who's crazy. You ruined my life!" the masked man said. "You're the reason my grandfather is dead."

"I never killed anyone," Homer replied, more confused than normal. "Who are you?"

"Frank Grimes, the Third!" the man said, pulling off his mask.

Not long after, I got onto the roof. Grimes was about to put the cables on Homer, and I had to act quickly. I tossed a cupcake into his head, which exploded on impact and knocked him over. He turned over and climbed to his feet.

"You're too late, Pieman!" Grimes said, "You'll never pie me!"

"Didn't plan on it," I replied, tossing a cookie at the ropes tying Homer down. It cut them open, and he was free. "This one is all yours, Homer," I said, throwing the pie to him like a Frisbee. He caught it, and Grimes didn't even have time to put his hands up. He fell down to the ground, crumbs in his hair.

That is the story of how I became the Pieman. A year later, I asked Gina to marry me. We're getting married next summer. She still doesn't know my secret, but that doesn't stop me form going out. So, the bad guys better watch out, or they'll get their just deserts.


End file.
